


Let Go and Feel Alive

by winglesswarrior



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Neighbros, auditory voyeurism, listening in on neighbors, too thin walls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:31:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7503159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winglesswarrior/pseuds/winglesswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an all too public break up, song writer Louis Tomlinson leaves London for a small oceanfront town a few hours away. He's running away from the feelings that have haunted him for years and made him the target for bullies and nasty comments, but his 'strictly into girls' policy is put into question when he meets the all too sexy neighbor, Liam, that lives in the flat downstairs. It only gets worse when Louis realizes he can hear <i>everything</i> that Liam gets up to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [walking_travesty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_travesty/gifts).



> WOW. I flew through this so fast. I love you walking_travesty for such a fun prompt!
> 
> Love for my beta, driftingdoll, because she's amazing and makes sure my grammar is on point. 
> 
> Originally this was called "Neighbros" which is from [this collection of shorts](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLF8EDB727763FD896) which are hilariously random. 
> 
> Obviously, this is merely a fictional representation of people and meant for fun only. Enjoy!

“No, mum it’s fine. Everything is fine.” Louis wedged the phone between his chin and shoulder, hefting another box out of his tiny car. The label on it was in Niall’s handwriting and, judging by the way Louis’ eyes bulged a little when he lifted it, his friend had forgotten to label it ‘heavy’. That or Niall didn’t think it was heavy. 

Louis missed the days when Niall used to play golf as an excuse to blow off steam and let Louis drunkenly drive a cart around. His whole ‘changing the game’ had led to working out a shit ton more and Louis was belatedly realizing just how much he needed to hit the gym. 

“Honey,” Jay said on the line and Louis winced at more than just the box. He knew that tone. That was the ‘I don’t believe you at all’ tone and he could not do that tone right now. 

“Mum, please. If we start I won’t stop. It’s fine. This place is, urgh,” Louis made a noise as he started up the stairs that led to his flat on the upper floor of a duplex. “Nice.” It was huffed because, fuck, stairs were awful. And the box was still heavy. 

“Well, it is probably good to get away,” Jay said, half agreeing with him, half placating. Thank god for mothers. 

“Exactly,” Louis said with a sigh, falling over the box when he dumped it on the couch. “And Nialler will be here in a week or so.” Sadly, it was with the rest of his stuff, but that part his mother knew. 

“Alright. Go get settled. We’ll talk later. Love you, boo.” 

“You too, mum,” Louis said before ringing off and hanging his head over the side of the box to catch his breath. It took a few minutes before he moved again, standing up and turning to head back down to his car. 

Only there was someone standing in the space that counted as his living room. 

Louis was not proud of the way he yelped, and how high pitched it came out, or the way he jumped back, flailed and promptly fell over the coffee table to land as a heap on the floor. 

The person standing there frowned, making his eyebrows sort of turn down. “You okay?” 

“You scared me shitless, mate!”

“Oh,” whoever he was said. Then he laughed. Like eyes scrunched up, big smile, laugh. “Soz,” he added, then shifted the box in his hands to one arm--a box from Louis’ car, this one actually labeled ‘heavy’--and held out his now free hand to Louis. Louis stared for a moment at the biceps that seemed to be threatening to bust out of the shirt that was at least two sizes too big before shaking his head and taking the offered hand. 

His friendly neighborhood bodybuilder helped Louis up with ease, then shifted the box again. “Where do you want this?” 

Louis pointed blindly to the corner where he’d been stacking the boxes and then sort of stood there while the guy set the box down, wiped his hands and turned back with a friendly smile. “Liam,” he greeted, holding out one of those massive hands to shake. “I live downstairs. And I thought you could use a hand.” 

Louis fidgeted with his phone for a moment, trying very, very hard not to look at Liam’s hands, how big they were, how they might feel curved--No. None of that. He grabbed it with his hand, shaking. “Louis. I just moved in.” 

“I know,” Liam said, gesturing around. 

Right, because that was obvious. Louis smiled weakly, but it just seemed to make Liam smile more, something just short of the laugh before. “Want help with the rest?” 

“Well, there’s not...you don’t mind?” 

“Nope,” Liam said before hopping off down the stairs, leaving Louis in the middle of his flat to stare after him, confused. 

\------------------

After twenty-four hours, Louis had learned three things. One, Liam had a really big dog named Watson. The lower half of the house backed up to a little garden, and Liam and Waston played fetch there. Louis felt creepy for noticing, but with the door to his balcony open, he could hear Liam laughing at the dog. And maybe once or twice, Louis had leaned his head out to watch. 

Two, Liam worked out a lot. He ran almost every day, and finished his runs with little extra work outs in the garden. Sometimes it was a small set of free weights he’d produce from somewhere, sometimes it was just shadow boxing. And yes, twenty-four hours wasn’t a lot of time to determine that someone worked out a lot, but considering Louis had seen it twice in that amount of time, that meant Liam must be on some sort of tight schedule. Which wasn’t going into all the other parts of him that were tight as a result. Louis was _not_ thinking about those. Because _no._

Three, the walls in their little house were thin, but it was the worst in the bathroom. Louis thought maybe it was the pipes, but he could hear everything going on below him if Liam was in his bathroom at the same time. That was also how he learned that Liam sang, a lot. 

Liam singing wasn’t a bad thing really, because he was good, better than half the people Louis had written songs for in the past year, but there was something a little alarming about a sultry version of Drake coming up through the floor halfway through brushing his teeth. At least Louis hadn’t been in the shower. 

The working out thing was in action again when Louis wandered out onto his little balcony, keyboard under one arm. It wasn’t as nice as the piano he’d had at his place with Eleanor, but well, she got the flat and most of what came in it. Louis had been lucky his new place was already furnished or he’d be spending all this time in the folding chair he’d set up outside. Liam was doing what appeared to be complicated press-ups that Louis was _not watching_ as he set up his keyboard on his lap and lit a cigarette to start working on his latest song. 

“Those are bad for you, you know.” 

Louis frowned, looking around, then looking down where Liam was standing, chest heaving a little from exertion, with his hands on his hips. 

“Think whatever you’re doing down there is worse,” Louis answered with a wave, not letting himself think about the innuendo he’d not meant to imply.

“Said like someone who can’t do a proper press-up,” Liam teased back, which had Louis glaring at him. 

“I’ll have you know, I’m fine with the press-up, and could kick your arse in football any day of the week.” 

“Except for where you’ll be wheezing because you can’t breathe?” 

“Oi! Shut it! Don’t make me come down there!” Louis looked around for something to throw at Liam, but he didn’t have anything. 

“What are you going to do if you come down here?” Liam’s stupid eyebrows arched playfully and Louis felt the fire go out of him. 

“Nothing. Go on, back to how you were,” Louis said, waving a hand and trying to get Liam to go away, not looking at him. He heard Liam chuckle, but thankfully the sound of his work-out grunts took over. Louis only made it fifteen seconds before he gave up and stubbed out his cigarette so he could drag his keyboard back inside. 

\--------------

Julian called when Louis was sprawled flat on the floor in his new living room, possibly a little too drunk for two in the afternoon. 

“How’s the song coming?” 

“Awful,” Louis slurred at his speakerphone, the actual phone balanced on his face. 

“I told you not to write about her.” 

“Well, I thought it would help, angst and all.” 

“Did it?” 

“No,” Louis whined, rolling onto his stomach, not caring that his phone clunked to the floor next to him. 

“Go sleep it off,” Julian said from somewhere, and Louis only knew he’d hung up when the Brand New playlist he’d been listening to started up again. 

The break up had been beyond messy. Eleanor was a great girl and she and Louis had been together for ages, but she’d known things just weren’t right. She’d known longer than Louis had and it had taken far too long for him to realize she wasn’t as in it as he was. And what was worse, that she’d noticed all the time his eyes had strayed. And where they’d gone. 

Ideally they would have been able to talk it out, come to the agreement that it just wasn’t working, but apparently Louis not only had a flair for the dramatic, but also seemed unable to not step in it. 

In his defense, he’d not been actively hitting on the guy at the her launch party for some clothing line, but yeah, a few cheeky lines had been tossed back and forth, and maybe Louis hadn’t leaned away when the guy had leaned in, but Louis was being friendly. That was what he did. Except Eleanor, well, she saw it for what it really was. She saw the way the guy was touching Louis’ lower back, inching towards his arse, the way Louis only flushed at the contact but didn’t put space between them. 

When she yanked at his arm, he’d not been expecting that low, terse voice that came with a domestic. He’d stared at her in shock while she read him the riot act, right there in front of everyone in hushed angry whispers. She was tired of him thinking that flirting with guys wasn’t cheating. She was tired of the artists that fawned and pawed all over him when he wrote songs for them. She was tired of dating a guy who liked guys more than her. People noticed. People asked her about it and she was tired of lying for him. 

Louis shouldn’t have shouted, but well, she was wrong. And he had to tell her. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t some poof like everyone thought. He was _with her_. 

That she’d followed that up with “not anymore,” didn’t really prove his point. 

Louis had spent a week on Niall’s couch, because his boxes of things that Eleanor had graciously given him back were stacked in Niall’s guest room. After a week of not being able to show his face places, Julian and Niall suggested the move. A new place, somewhere to start over until the scandal died down. 

It wasn’t a bad idea, the little flat a couple of hours outside of London. It was near the water, the breeze was nice, and Louis figured why not? He could channel his heartache into music. 

Only his heart didn’t ache. His head ached, but that might have been the midday vodka. His body ached, but that might have been the floor. He wasn’t heartbroken over Eleanor. He wanted to be, but wanting and being weren’t always the same thing. 

Just as Louis was thinking about getting more vodka, Liam started singing again, Timberlake this time. Louis pounded on the floor, which seemed to only inspire Liam to sing louder. Julian was right. Louis needed to sleep all of it off. With a groan, he got up, kicking his phone under the couch and dragging himself to the bedroom, thanking everything for the blanket he’d hung over the window and the dark cocoon it created. He face-planted on the bed and was out before Liam hit the second verse. 

\-----------------

Louis woke up with no idea what time it was, feeling like something had crawled into his mouth and died. He swatted about for his phone, only remembering after a full minute of frustration that it was under the couch. He rolled off the bed, stumbling in the dark, feeling like whatever might have met its end in his mouth had drooled down his face as well. Or maybe that was just him. He needed a cuppa, but he probably needed a shower more. 

He fumbled with the water, peeling out of his clothes as he went, tripping over the edge of the tub until he was under the spray with a deep sigh. Less vodka, more showers, he decided, humming a few bars to himself. They sounded like the song Liam had been singing, not entirely helpful for writing, but nothing was bad in Louis’ book. Inspiration came from everywhere. 

He was just thinking about how that neat little vibrato that Liam had could be useful in a tune he’d written last month when someone on the floor below moaned. Louis froze, hands in his hair, shampoo dripping dangerously close to his eyes, sure he’d imagined that. That wasn’t the kind of moan that went with a warm shower. No, that was something else entirely, something edged in desire and Louis felt it down to his toes. 

Just as he was starting to think he had imagined it (punishment for thinking about vibratos), it happened again. 

“Fuck, yes, right there.” 

It was loud, that kind of loud that only happened when someone was too gone to care how loud they were being. And Louis knew that voice. Liam moaned again, breathy and eager, and Louis knew it wasn’t just some shower wank. Shower wanks weren’t that good. 

He stuck his head under the water like he was hiding, biting at his arm to muffle the needy little noise he hadn’t meant to make. He shouldn’t be listening. He should get out of the shower, he should turn on some music, and put on his headphones, because listening was rude, but then Liam moaned again and Louis was stuck where he was. 

“C’mon babe, take it,” Liam was moaning and Louis’ eyes fell shut and bit his arm more because now his dick was starting to get interested. He could not, would not, wank to the sound of his neighbor getting his rocks off. Would not. 

It wasn’t his fault it was hot. Guys moaned in porn all the time. And given that there wasn’t someone else talking, Liam was likely just getting the blowjob of a lifetime. That kind of porn was totally straight. And it’s not like the girl could say anything when she was busy like that. 

Just as Louis managed to justify it, Liam’s noises turned choppy, desperate. Louis knew that feeling, knew how hips moved out of control, how hands scrambled for purchase, desperate to hold on to anything in the final moments. Without realizing what he was doing, Louis’ hands were in his own hair, tugging just the way he liked it, enough to send small sparks of pain, all of it going to his dick that was definitely hard now, waiting on Liam’s release. 

When Liam did come, Louis barely managed to cover his mouth to hide his own gasp. He pressed the heel of his hand against himself, just to try and calm down. Whatever was going on downstairs died down to soft murmurs and Louis’ water had gone cold. He shut it off so that they wouldn’t hear it on and sank back against the cool tile. 

It took longer than Louis would have liked to get his wits about him, and he was still half hard, but he could hear Liam talking in low tones to someone, moving around his flat, which got Louis moving. He wanted to see who she was, this woman that rocked Liam’s world, and that was motivation enough to pull on his loosest sweats and sneak to his front windows. He peeked out of them as he heard footsteps head towards the front door, and he heard the murmurs of conversation below him. 

Louis bit at his lip, waiting, but there wasn’t a woman there. In the imaginary place that Louis had created for her stood a guy, good looking by most standards, with sandy blonde hair and a nice smile. It was a sad smile though, one that said it was the last time. He leaned in, kissing a still damp Liam’s cheek before heading down the front walk to the car parked on the street. Louis watched as Liam waved when car drove off, free hand rubbing at the back of his neck before turning to head in the house. 

Louis sunk down to sit on the floor under the window for a long moment. A guy. The _person_ that had just rocked Liam’s world was a guy. That made Louis’ head spin in ways that he couldn’t handle. Sure, he didn’t have any issues with gay guys, more power to them, but he didn’t like the fact that everyone just assumed he was one because of his hair or his clothes, or worse, his size. That was why he fought against the urges, ignored the attractive men in his life and stuck to women. Because that was what he was into. All the people that had called him names all his life weren’t going to be right. 

But Liam. Fit, smiling, friendly Liam was gay. Or at least somewhat gay. What did that even mean? 

Louis scrambled forward, digging his phone out from under the couch, then went to find a shirt. 

\----------

“I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation, _Neil_ ,” Louis whisper-screamed into his phone, peeking up over the back end of the booth he was sitting in, like Liam might choose that exact moment to get coffee from the shop a few blocks from their flats. 

“No, I don’t.” Niall sounded more bored than anything and it was not helping. At least he’d answered. 

“He’s _gay!_ He just had porn level great sex, with a guy, directly under me.” 

“Again, Lou, not sure why that’s a problem. Other than jealousy.” 

“I’m not jealous!” Louis winced when that came out louder than expected and peeked around the side of the booth this time. No one was there except the girl with a red streak in her hair working behind the counter, but she was giving him a bit of a look. “I can’t live like this.” 

“Horny? Seriously, welcome to the tragedy of being single.” 

“I am not…” Oh god, he was. He really was. Even the last few times he’d been with Eleanor had felt more like going through the motions than actually enjoying it. It wasn’t like what Liam was getting. “Okay, maybe a tiny bit.” 

Niall laughed. “Go have a wank and write a song. I’ll be up there this weekend with the rest of your stuff.” 

“Promise?” 

“Yes. I can’t wait to meet this guy if he’s making you this mental.” 

“I am not…” Louis trailed off in a little growl and hung up on Niall out of a spite. Jerk. 

\----------------------

Louis hid in his flat for the next two days, humming through what felt like a song, headphones permanently on as he worked his way through the chords on the keyboard. It had words, but they didn’t go together yet, they didn’t have that hook, or that point. All songs had a point, and Louis’ didn’t yet. Still, it was better than nothing. He’d get there eventually. No one was really rushing him, there wasn’t anyone waiting on anything, but Louis knew that his friends wanted him to get back on that horse, to focus on something that wasn’t his break up or his mutilated reputation. 

“So hot that I couldn’t take it,” he sang then rolled his eyes at himself and tossed the pen away. “That’s a charming bollocks line,” he grumbled, shoving off the headphones and slumping against the couch. 

There was a murmur of voices outside where his balcony door was open to let in the breeze. And...fuck, what was that amazing smell? Louis’ stomach growled and he groaned, scrambling out from under his keyboard, then onto the balcony, peering over the edge. A grill had been pulled out and Liam was there with two other guys, chatting as one of them flipped something on the grill. Something amazing smelling. 

Suddenly someone laughed and Louis looked away from the food, spotting a pair of dark eyes looking up at him. His hair and beard were cropped short, but, fuck, he was beautiful. And not even in the ‘I swear I’m not gay’ kind of way. Just in general. 

“You were right, Li,” the greek god said, nudging Liam, who looked up and grinned at Louis. 

“Told you. He’d come out if he smelled the food.” 

“I am not some woodland creature, Liam,” Louis pouted. 

Liam laughed, shrugging his shoulders. “So you don’t want a beer and dinner?” 

“I didn’t say that,” Louis said, practically tripping over his own feet as he doubled back into his flat. He hesitated before ducking into his room, just to change his shirt and put on real pants instead of the sweats he’d been living in for two days. He quickly shoved his feet into a pair of trainers, then hopped down the stairs, smiling at Liam who was waiting by the gate to the garden with a beer.

“Louis, meet Harry and Zayn,” he said, pointing with his beer first to the guy with his hair pulled up in a bun manning the grill, then to the gorgeous one. “Guys, meet Louis.” 

Louis waved, taking a pull off the beer before looking back at Liam. “Your boyfriend not here?” he asked. 

The question got a noise out of Harry, and a sharp look from Zayn, both directed at Liam, which instantly made Louis sick. Did he just out someone that wasn’t? He’d thought it was fine, the guy had kissed him on the front stoop after all, but shit, shit, shit, what if Liam wasn’t out? What if is his friends didn’t know he was gay? 

Louis spun around to look at Liam, who thankfully only looked embarrassed with a dusting of red in his cheeks. “Justin,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck which seemed to clear up something and both Harry and Zayn eased. 

“Sorry,” Louis said. “I saw him leaving the other morning, and I thought-” 

“The other morning!?” Harry shouted from where he was, hands in the air. “You said--” 

“I know! I know. I mean he did. That’s what happened,” Liam explained. “He just, stayed.” 

“After he dumped you?” Zayn asked. 

Liam shrugged. “I knew that was what he was doing when he got to the house. It only seemed..It felt like a better way to end it.” Louis wished all of his relationships had ended with shower sex. “He came over, he looked great, and I just thought, why not? What more could it hurt? You get it, right?” Liam asked Zayn, who shrugged. 

“Maybe. I guess it’s better than a fight.” 

“Doesn’t seem healthy,” Harry called. “He dumped you. And you still got back into bed with him. That’s like you’re hung up.” 

Liam took a swig of his beer and shrugged. “It wasn’t really a getting back into bed with him thing, it was ending the whole thing on a good note sort of thing.” 

Harry made a face then turned to Louis. “What do you think, Louis?” 

The guy was probably only looking for someone to be on his side, but Louis’ brain didn’t process that quick enough and he choked on his beer mid-sip. “Um, I wouldn’t, I’m not…”

“You’ve never been through a breakup?” Harry asked, new concern etched across his features. 

“Of course he has,” Liam said, and Louis shot him a look. Did Liam know about the break up? “No one listens to that much Brand New without being heartbroken,” Liam added. Was Louis imaging it or had his features gone softer? Did he really care? 

Louis shook his head. “I mean I have. And no, doing, that,” he said waving at Liam not able to put into words what it was without saying ‘porn star level sex’ so going for vague. “It wasn’t really an option. Jealous though. Would be nicer.” 

Harry huffed a frustrated noise. “I don’t understand any of you.”

Liam wrapped his arms around Harry from behind, pouting a little before smacking a too loud kiss against his head. “You just believe in true love, mate. That’s the problem.” 

“You don’t?” Louis didn’t even realize he was asking it, but there were the words, out in the open. 

Liam looked over at him, still half holding on to Harry. “Yes and no. Some people just are what you need at the moment. They’re perfect at not being perfect. I like the idea of true love though.” 

“Liam’s a serial monogamous. Loves having a boyfriend, but can’t seem to keep one,” Zayn piped in around a cigarette he’d produced from thin air, lighting it and taking a long drag. “He thinks Harry’s crazy for still pining after the same girl he’s always pined after and he thinks I’m worse for waiting on the right person. Li, always thinks he has the right person.” 

“Kissing frogs,” Louis said with a nod. 

“Hmm?” Liam asked brows furrowing in something that was sort of like a confused teddy bear. 

“Oh, um. Me mum used to say it. You have to kiss frogs. It’s like the fairy tale?” 

“I thought she turned into a frog.” 

“That’s just the Disney movie, Li. The original she kissed him and he turned into a prince,” Harry clarified. 

“Oh.” Liam tapped his beer bottle against his lower lip and Louis _did not_ think about how that might look if it was something else tapping there. Nope. He didn’t think like that. “Well, then yes, that.” 

“A man with a plan,” Louis said, not able to stop from smiling. It was enough to make Zayn chuckle as well, which Louis was taking as a win. The curly-haired one seemed easier to win over than dark and brooding, so any progress was good progress. 

“Exactly. Now, Haz, can we eat yet?” Liam asked, back to his cheerful self that Louis was getting used to seeing. That was odd wasn’t it? Being so used to someone after such a short time? He pushed the concern out of his mind as Harry nodded, already starting to plate food off the grill. There were far more pressing concerns. 

\-----------

Dinner was delicious, despite being healthier than Louis would have gone for on his own, the conversation enjoyable, and although he was full, happy, and had the edge of a song banging around in the back of his head, Louis lingered in the garden with the other men. 

“So, Lou,” Harry said, dropping the nickname like they’d been friends for years. “What do you do?” 

Louis rolled his head to the side from where he’d sprawled on the grass, originally petting Watson, but stayed after the dog had moved on to someone else. “I write songs.” 

Liam looked up surprised. “For real? Like real songs or just…” 

“Yes, real songs, Liam,” Louis chided. “I’ve written for a few pop stars, nothing _huge_ yet, but like deep tracks on their albums.” 

“You must love the pipes on Liam then,” Zayn commented and Louis felt himself flush. 

“I don...I’m not sure what you mean.” Certainly they couldn’t know what Louis had heard. They couldn’t know about the noises their best friend made during sex. How vocal, how earth shattering his moans were. No way. 

Zayn arched a perfect eyebrow. “That he sings. _Constantly_. It’s why I don’t live with him anymore.” 

Oh. Right. That. Louis fake laughed to cover up his discomfort, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t hiding a damn thing. “Right, oh no. He’s great. Great voice.” It was a small miracle that he didn’t squeak out that last bit. He could feel his own voice starting to give. 

It was Liam’s turn to blush, waving away whatever compliments Louis was giving. “I just mess around.” 

“You mess around better than anyone else I know,” Harry said. “I’m still upset you didn’t go out for X-Factor.”

“Still could,” Zayn piped in, but Liam shook his head, getting up from his chair and starting to clear plates.

“No, none of that. Come on now. You two have work to get to in the morning. Off with you,” he said, giving Harry’s chair a nudge with his foot. The two grumbled, but they both moved, helping Liam with clean up before heading out, waving goodbye to Louis who started out the back gate towards his door.

“Hey,” Liam called, reaching out to stop Louis, hand around Louis’ wrist easily covering the whole thing. Louis tried really, really hard not to stare. 

“Yeah?” God, he hoped that waver in his voice was only heard by him. 

“You know you can come down, whenever you want. And if I make too much noise--” 

Louis shook his head pressing a hand against Liam’s chest. His perfect chest. Louis was going to need a cold shower. “None of that. You’re fine. Thank you.” 

Liam’s thumb swiped over the bone in Louis’ wrist, gentle enough to send shivers up Louis’ spine. When was the last time someone had touched him like that? Ages probably, if ever. It was crazy how quickly it went to his head. “I know break ups suck, but if you ever want someone to talk to?” 

Louis nodded, pulling his hand back as gently as he could. He needed space, lots of space, because Liam was going to kill him otherwise. “Yeah, ‘course,” he said, smiling as best he could and hoping it didn’t falter. “Thanks,” he added before putting another step between them. “I’ll see you around.” Before Liam could answer, Louis made a quick dash for his door, huffing up the stairs just to get away as fast as possible. 

Once alone, Louis leaned against the wall, wishing he hadn’t had those few beers, that the sensation of Liam touching him, so intimately, so sweetly, wasn’t crawling up his arm. His mind wandered off without his permission, thinking of Liam’s gentle touch on his cheek, his hairline. What it would feel like to lean into it. 

And those hands. Big enough to encircle his entire wrist, likely big enough to do the same with his calves, his ankles, his thighs. Louis gagged when his dick twitched, stumbling for the kitchen, dragging open the cabinet he’d put the liquor in, and pulling down a trusty bottle. He tipped it back without thinking, wincing at the burn down his throat, but not fighting it. 

He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t. They’d teased him, called him names, turned him away from the fitted shirts and bright colored pants, from the softer hair styles and the clean-shaven face. He’d gone darker, oversized everything, facial hair and a messy style. He wasn’t going to let some random guy ruin all his hard work. 

Louis tipped the bottle back again, determined to erase the memory, to make it fade into the oblivion of alcohol. Anything to make sure he forgot and he never thought of it again. 

\-----------

“LOU!” 

Louis groaned at his name, rolling over and into the puddle of drool on his pillow. Gross. Almost as gross as the rest of him felt. 

“Lou, oi, you lazy wanker,” Niall called from much closer than he should have been. Maybe he was a dream. Dreaming of Niall would be nice. It’d be less stressful than the dream Louis was pretty sure he’d been having about Liam’s hands. Not that his dick was stressed out by the dream, just by the fact that it hadn’t been finished. 

“Gr’way,” Louis muttered, shifting again and burying the groan from the friction against his dick in his pillow.

“Ugh, you smell.” Niall was in the room that was slowly coming into focus around the rager of a headache that was creeping up his temples and into his consciousness. “Did you bathe in vodka?” 

Niall jostled something which clattered and was likely the empty bottle that Louis had finished off the night before. Louis tried to wave Niall off, but he was pretty sure he didn’t even get his hand that far off the bed. Then the mattress sunk a little at his side and Niall was rubbing tiny circles on Louis’ back. “You’re supposed to call me when it gets this bad,” he murmured and Louis felt tears well up in his eyes. 

“M’fine.” He wasn’t, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want Niall to know. Niall, who despite being the greatest friend ever, might judge him. 

“No, you stink,” Niall said, but Louis heard it for what it really was. _No, you’re sad_. “C’mon, mate. Shower. Cold shower. Then come eat the food I brought. I’ll get you some water and painkillers.” Niall patted his shoulder then got up, calling from the doorway. “If you’ve not moved in five minutes, I’ll just pour the water directly on you.” 

That didn’t sound entirely bad, but Louis didn’t want to get his sheets wet. There was a strong chance that Niall would just sit back and laugh while Louis hung them out to dry instead of helping. He drug himself out of the bed, adjusting his too tight jeans that he’d slept in. He didn’t want to go into that bathroom, too worried he’d heard something from downstairs, but thankfully it was quiet. 

The cold water helped, smothering the worst of the hangover, washing away the guilt. No one needed to know what he’d drunk himself silly over. Let Niall think it was the break up and not the new neighbor.

When his head started to feel less like it was full of cotton, he turned the water off, enjoying the cool tile before getting out of the shower. He dried off and switched to comfortable clothes, and padded into the living room to find Niall. 

“You were not joking, mate,” Niall said from where he was peeking out the balcony window. 

“What?” Louis found a bag of takeaway in the kitchen and dug into it. 

“Your neighbor,” he said, trying to be subtle, but as Louis chewed on an egg roll, he wasn’t sure the bleach blonde in some Nike neon yellow pull over was subtle, but whatever. “He’s stunning.” 

Louis made a face at the comment. “Really?” Yes, Liam was gorgeous, but Louis had no idea why Niall, _Niall_ , would think so. “Don’t you like girls?” 

“Yeah, but guys like that? I’m open to all sorts of possibilities.” Niall said, moving away from the window. “Come on. I need to meet this guy.” He hooked his fingers in Louis’ shirt and pulled. 

“No,” Louis said, digging his feet in, trying to keep them steady. “No, no, no, you look like a highlighter. I’m hung over.” 

“Hey!” Niall said. “Don’t knock Rory’s new line. I like it.” He held his hands together and pouted in a way that he knew Louis couldn’t resist. Damn him. “Please.” 

Louis groaned, but let Niall pull him, grabbing the box of fried rice and a spare fork as he went. He was too far behind to warn him when Niall leaned over the gate, calling out to, not Liam, but Zayn. “Ni…” 

But it was too slow, Zayn was looking up in that slow lazy way he did, brow furrowed until a smile slipped into place. “Not Liam,” he said drifting closer to Niall, and Louis watched Niall’s skin at the back of his neck go red, which meant his cheeks were as well. 

“That’s Zayn,” Louis called out through a full mouth of food. “Liam’s Niall.” 

Niall nodded, but didn’t look back at Louis. “I’m Niall, Louis’ Niall.” 

“ _Louis’_?” Zayn asked and Louis was lucky he didn’t choke on the lukewarm rice. 

“No,” Niall said. “Thank god. Just his friend.” 

Zayn nodded, then opened the gate. “Liam’ll be out in a minute,” he said. “If you want to meet him.” 

“Think he only wants to meet you,” Louis said, ducking around Niall and nodding towards the house. Zayn gave him a little wave in the right direction, and Louis headed that way, looking over his shoulder to see Zayn smiling and Niall still leaning on the fence. His friend’s cheeks were pink, but his smile was radiant. And Zayn seemed happy to be on the receiving end of it. 

Louis shook his head before letting himself into the house, finding Liam in the kitchen doing dishes and climbing to sit on the counter with his takeaway. Liam looked over at him, making a face, but not telling him to get down. “You’re not Zayn.” 

“No,” Louis said around his food again. “He’s out there making eyes at my best friend.” 

“Zayn?”

“Mmm,” Louis said, surprised when Liam drifted to him, grabbing a fork as he went and sticking it in Louis’ rice container to help himself. 

“That doesn’t happen.” 

“No? Maybe Niall’s the one.” Louis was teasing, highly doubting that was the case, but Liam looked fucking thoughtful. 

“Maybe.” Louis frowned, pulling his food away. 

“Maybe?” 

Liam shrugged, catching Louis’ arm to bring the food back. “Yeah. Maybe. Zayn’s been waiting. He doesn’t usually take an interest in people. Or want to be left alone with strangers.” 

“Niall’s not really a stranger to anyone. He’s Irish.” Louis tried not to look down at Liam’s hand, but there it was. When did touching so much become okay? And why wasn’t Louis stopping him? 

“Zayn’s not like anyone else,” Liam said, smiling and tapping Louis on the nose with the back end of his fork. “That’s how I knew you were good people.” 

“What?” Louis sputtered, not sure how to take that moment, that touch, the comment. It was all so much. 

“He liked you. It was a good sign.” Liam smiled and then went back to his soapy water. 

“And you’re just going with that?” Louis asked. 

“Yeah,” Liam answered. “That and I like the song you’re working on.” 

“The, what?” 

Liam hummed a few bars, the one that Louis was stuck on, trying to figure out the point of the song. “That one? It’s good. What’re the words?” 

Louis looked down at his fried rice, feeling the hangover slipping back over him. “Doesn’t have words yet,” he said, mostly to avoid talking about it. 

“Let me know when you get them?” Liam said. “It’s good so far.” Louis smiled, nodding as Liam spoke, instantly feeling better about everything. Maybe the song was going somewhere. “Zayn and I were gonna take Watson down to the water, you want to bring Niall along?” 

Louis nodded. “I don’t think he’s going to let me say no.” 

Liam smiled, then tossed the dish towel he’d been using to dry dishes at Louis’ face. “Let’s go then.” 

\-----------------

After the beach, there was a pub, and somewhere along the way, Harry had joined them. He gushed, truly gushed over Niall and his work in golf, but Niall seemed to only have eyes for Zayn. They were pushed together on one side of the booth, whispering out something or another, and Louis couldn’t stop watching them. 

He’d never seen Niall with a guy before. Sure, his list of sport ‘boyfriends’ that Louis teased him about was unending, but Niall had always seemed interested in women and when he did date, it was always girls. But right now, the only person that seemed to make sense for him was Zayn. 

Liam elbowed Louis’ side, pulling him out of his own head. “Watch this,” he said, nodding towards Harry who’d left the table and headed across the pub to a blonde at the bar. 

“That her?” Louis asked, noticing the way Liam didn’t move his elbow from being pressed against Louis’ side. 

“Mm,” Liam confirmed. “Since primary years he’s loved her. And every time.” Louis watched as the girl made a face then rolled her eyes at Harry before turning away. 

“Every time?” 

“Every time,” Liam said. Louis watched a dejected Harry head back to their table, dropping down and burying his face in his hands. Liam reached out to card his fingers through Harry’s curls, like he was used to the action, and Louis was desperate to have the same attention on himself. “You sure you won’t give up, mate?” 

“Love will triumph,” Harry said, or might have said. It was muffled to the point where Louis couldn’t be a hundred percent sure. Harry emerged, looking at both Liam and Louis. “But I know that even if it breaks, you follow your heart. And my heart leads to her.” 

Liam rolled his eyes at Louis only, and Louis buried his laugh on Liam’s shoulder. It was a nice thought though, that love could conquer anything. Too bad Louis knew first hand it couldn’t. If it could, Louis would still be with Eleanor. 

\------------

It only took a few more days for Louis to truly learn Liam’s schedule. He worked out in the early hours before it go too warm, a run or something in the garden, then showered and left for work. As it turned out, Liam worked at a local garage, tuning up cars through the day. He was usually home around dinner and two or three times a week Zayn or Harry or both would come by in the evenings. Harry worked mornings in a bakery down by the water, and Zayn had what he called ‘a boring office job’ at a law firm. After dinner, there was play time with Watson, another work out if Liam could squeeze it in and then bed. 

The consistency was nice. Louis usually woke up around the time Liam got back from his workout, and would have his tea while Liam did press-ups in the garden. The sound of Liam’s shower meant Louis needed to get to work and he’d spend the day filling the quiet of the house while he tried to write. He had a few songs started, but nothing fully concrete yet, nothing worth demoing to send to Julian yet. When Liam got home, Louis took a break and usually was invited down for dinner or whatever evening activities were going on. 

His life before Liam and the little beach town had been on far less of a schedule. Eleanor had worked crazy hours, up all night at releases and fashion shows so she could blog about them in the morning, out two days later for a morning shoot to do an interview. Their sleep schedule was never regular and Louis took advantage of odd, cheaper hours to get in studios and made a habit of being awake whenever she away so that he could work through songs in the quiet of their flat. He’d always managed to get work done, but he’d forever been on edge while doing it, anxious he might upset her or be in the middle of a burst of creative energy when she wanted to rest. 

Liam didn’t create that sort of stress in his life. Not that Liam was in his life, but the idea was the same. Plus, Liam had reassured Louis that even if Liam was around, he didn’t mind the sound of banged out songs or mediocre guitar floating down from the floor above. And while Louis hadn’t managed to finish anything yet, he’d started plenty of things and felt like he was well on his way to having not one song, but four for Julian. 

As stress-free as Liam was for Louis’ creative live, he was something else all together for Louis’ sex life. Or more importantly, his lack there of. Because Liam, man of schedule and consistency, was also consistent on another point. 

Without fail, Liam took matters into his own hands-literally-during his morning shower. And then, if he was feeling randy, again in bed. It would be one thing if Liam was like most guys, a quick jerk with a groan on the end, maybe, but mostly just a grunt when it was all over. That was how Louis was. In, out, and done. He didn’t linger over the idea, didn’t enjoy it, he did it to get his mind back where it belonged. Liam, meanwhile, had it down to an art. Liam _enjoyed_ it. Liam took his time and made noises with it. 

By the third time, Louis realized he could alleviate a lot of the agony by changing his own shower schedule, but fuck, he couldn’t. Liam moaned and Louis felt it in his spine, unable to fight the mental image of Liam leaning back against the shower, fisting himself with lazy strokes. Just the thought snapped his body to attention and Louis was forced to cover his mouth to hide his own desperate noises. It was wrong to get off on the moans, the mental images, but damnit he was hard just thinking about it. He didn’t even have to do anything. And any thoughts of football stats or nans were forgotten when Liam groaned again. 

Louis could feel guilty about it later. Right now he had to deal with his situation, gasping the moment he touched himself. He buried his face in the crook of his arm, pressed against the wall, moving his hand over his own cock without any finesse, just trying to keep up with the noises Liam was making under him. 

When Liam came, Louis felt sparks behind his eyes, imagining Liam’s perfect mouth to go with that voice. It was too much to hold back and seconds later he was spilling over his hand, vision going white for a moment. 

And then it was over. Louis stayed where he was, silent, pressed against the wall, not sure if it was the shower water or tears tracking down his cheeks. A few minutes later, Liam’s shower turned off and his voice, humming some oldie this time, left the bathroom below. Louis turned off his shower then sunk to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t into that. But fuck if thinking about Liam hadn’t setn him over the edge faster and harder than ever. He buried his head in his arms, fighting back tears and stayed where he was until he heard Liam leave for the day. 

\-----------

Louis told himself it would just be once. One time. Only it wasn’t. He was timing his showers to meet with Liam’s and any time he heard Liam start, his hand was in his shorts before he could stop himself. It was _wrong_. It was an invasion of privacy. Liam was a guy and Louis wasn’t gay. There was a list of excuses why he shouldn’t, but every, single time, Louis did it anyway. It was addictive, to feel like someone was there, to take his time with it, to really understand what he liked, what he wanted. 

Except after, everything that he wanted made him a little sick. 

And yet, he couldn’t stop. 

\-----------

The Instagram alert pulled Louis’ eyes away from the guitar on his lap, rolling to the side to see his phone. Niall had posted. Needing a break, Louis clicked on the alert and after seeing what was there, dropped his phone. Then scrambled to grab it again just to make sure he’d seen that right. 

The photo was in black and white, obviously Niall taking a selfie, but he wasn’t alone. Zayn was in a suit, eyed closed and pressed in close enough for his nose to be buried against Niall’s hair, and Niall’s smile was soft and sweet in a way that Louis had never seen it. The caption was just a heart. That was it. 

Louis practically tripped over his guitar getting off the couch, then tumbled down the stairs and around the back to Liam’s door. “Hey!” he shouted, banging on the door. When Liam answered he looked confused, but Louis didn’t pay attention to that. He shoved his phone in Liam’s face. 

“What is this?!” 

Liam squinted, then smiled, taking the phone out of Louis’ hand. “Aww, look at that.” 

“What?! Look at what!” Louis knew he was shouting, but somehow he’d wound up in Liam’s flat without actually meaning to be there. He just looked up and Liam was shutting the door, still smiling at the photo. 

“The heart! That means the date’s going well right?” 

“Date!?!” 

Liam had that confused look on his face, staring at Louis like he was insane. “Yeah, Niall had Zayn head out to London to take him to some event?” 

“No one told me that!” Why hadn’t Niall told him? Why hadn’t Liam? 

Liam handed Louis back his phone. “Probably because you twitch at the idea of a guy with a guy,” he said with a shrug. 

“I do _not_.” 

Liam started walking through his flat, headed for the kitchen and Louis trailed after him. “You do,” Liam said. “It’s fine, it’s not for everyone, but I figure they probably wanted to be sure what was going on before they told you.” 

“But they told you?” Louis asked, hands on his hips. 

“Zayn told me. He was surprised that Niall asked and wasn’t sure if he should go. It’s like I said, he doesn’t take risks.” 

“But he went to London to go to an event with my best friend,” Louis said, still not sure he was grasping what was going on. 

“He did,” Liam agreed, but he was looking at what he was cooking. 

“So they’re dating.” Louis was pretty sure that was what Liam was saying, but he wasn’t positive. 

Liam looked over his shoulder and smiled, patting the counter near him. Louis hesitated, but went anyway, climbing up to sit where he could see Liam and watch him cook. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it smelled good. “I didn’t even know Niall liked guys,” Louis admitted softly. “Or Zayn.” 

“Zayn just likes,” Liam said. “He’s always said he wasn’t going to rule anything out. But as for Niall, I don’t know. I thought you two would have talked about it, but I guess that’s with the twitchy thing.” 

“I’m not _twitchy_ ,” Louis insisted. 

“You are,” Liam countered holding out the spoon with the sauce on it for Louis to taste. 

Louis took a taste, then nodded, giving Liam a bit of a glare. “I’m okay with you.”

“Because you like me,” Liam stated, like that explained everything. 

“I like Niall,” Louis pointed out, but Liam just shrugged.

“You staying for dinner?” 

That seemed to be that then. Louis nodded, pleased that just staying got a smile out of Liam, and not letting himself think about why he was so pleased with Liam’s smile. 

\--------------

The thing was, Liam had to know. He had to. Maybe he didn’t know that Louis was getting off to the sound of his voice, but he had to know that Louis could hear him. They talked about the music they could hear from each other’s flats, there was no way Liam didn’t know how his voice carried. 

But even if he did...why wasn’t he stopping? 

Louis was flat on his back on his bed, stomach and hand sticky from Liam’s last session, wondering just what the hell he was doing. Was his neighbor teasing him? Did he know? Louis had no idea. 

He knew one thing though: he had a problem. 

Only it didn’t feel wrong. As often as Louis got off to the idea of Liam, as much as he regretted it, he didn’t mind the time he spent with Liam. It was never awkward. If anything, since Louis had let himself feel more, his time with Liam was better. He wasn’t as anxious with the way Liam touched him, with the way Liam looked at him. 

Liam felt right. 

Louis should have been lonely, should have been miserable. He’d been with the same person for four years, lived with her for two, and yet, even living alone in his little flat, he never felt alone. He felt more at ease knowing Liam was downstairs than he ever had with with Eleanor in the same room. 

He wiped his hand off on his shirt, yanking it down over the mess on his stomach and padding into the living room, going first for the keyboard, but opting for the guitar at the last moment. He wasn’t as good at guitar as piano, but the feel of the keys wasn’t right for what was in his mind.

It was easy to find the song he’d been playing with since he first moved into the flat, the few phrases here and there that sort of sounded good together, but didn’t fit yet. He started with the original key, then frowned, dropping it down, something different for him, and just one chord brought out the rest of the melody. Then it hit him. 

That was the point, the meaning behind the song. Something different, something that could be just as good, but was different. He hummed to himself as the tune came to him, the lyrics following not long after that. Something was missing, something had always been missing, but maybe someone else could help him through it. Maybe someone else could light the way, could make even a place that wasn’t, feel like home. Like he belonged. 

\-----------

When Liam let Watson out into the garden before his morning run, Louis was on the balcony. He’d finished the song, half of another, and hadn’t slept a wink. He’d only stopped after he emailed Julian and Jamie the demos, ducking out on the balcony for a cigarette. Liam wasn’t in more than a pair of gym shorts, tilting his head to look up at where Louis was. “You’re up early,” he teased and Louis nodded, leaning over the railing to get a better look at Liam. 

He was lovely like that, something that Louis was sick to admit, but unable to deny. His chest had just the right amount of hair on it, his hips dipped into the shorts he had on in a way that made Louis’ mouth water. A dead person could see that Liam was attractive and Louis was far from dead. “Hey,” he called out, but when Liam looked up at him, he forgot what he was going to say. It might have been something about the song, what he was feeling, something, but the words got caught in his throat. “Err. Can I sit with Watson while you run?” 

Liam made a face that said he realized how bizarre of a request it was, but he still nodded. “Come on down. I'll make you a cuppa before I go.” 

That was too nice, too much of an offer, but Louis took it anyway. He hurried down the steps, still in what he’d planned on sleeping in, but wound up writing in, hair askew, but Liam didn’t seem to notice. Instead he was greeted with a smile, a ruffle of his hair, and a warm mug. “Watson’s in the bedroom. I’ll be back in forty-five or so.” He gave Louis a little nudge, then headed out the front door. 

Louis took his tea into Liam’s room, realizing he’d never actually been in there. The bed was bigger than Louis’ which was fair since Louis didn’t have a giant dog that took up half of it, the colors sharper. Louis’ room had come pre-furnished and all the bedclothes Eleanor had let him take were the ones she didn’t like, so his room was less of himself and more a collection of things that didn’t go together. Liam’s space meanwhile was so incredibly _Liam_. 

He crawled onto the bed to sit with Watson who was already spread across the duvet. The hound barely lifted his head, but shifted into Louis, clearly looking for pets. Louis obliged, amused when the dog drifted off. “Yeah, your owner gets up too early for both of us,” he said, sipping at his tea. It was sweeter than he would have liked, but it was still nice to have. 

“How do I tell him?” he asked the dog, who just huffed in his sleep, likely not listening. “Do I just say, hey I think you’re handsome? Or hey, I kind of want to climb you, but I swear I don’t like guys?”

Louis sighed when he didn’t get an answer and slumped more against the dog, letting his warmth bring at least some peace and quiet to Louis’ world. 

\---------------

Louis woke up to someone running their fingers through his hair and something licking his toes. “Hnngh.” 

“And there he is.” Liam was laughing, looking down at him. “You fell asleep.” 

Louis looked up at Liam, tugging at his shirt with _Liam_ written on it. “You’re dressed.” 

“Mm,” Liam agreed, ruffling Louis’ hair again. “You were dead to the world when I got back so I got ready while you slept.” He got up from where he was sitting on the bed, and Louis sat up as well, looking at him. “Did you even sleep last night?” 

“No,” Louis admitted. “I finished a song.” 

Liam was pulling on his shoes, looking over his shoulder to grin at Louis. “Yeah? Do I get to hear it?” 

“You want to?” 

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I? What’s it called?” 

“Home,” Louis said softly, only smiling when Liam grinned at him. 

“Perfect.” Liam leaned in and Louis’ breath caught in his throat, sure that something was going to happen, anything, but Liam just reached past him to get his phone off the nightstand. “You can stay as long as you want,” he added. “But I gotta go. See you tonight?” 

Louis nodded, running his fingers through Watson’s fur to keep from touching Liam. “Have a good day.” 

For just a moment, Liam seemed to hesitate, to stop, but then shook his head, and left the room. Louis wondered what he’d thought, what had made him stop for that second. “Must have been good.” 

“What must have been?” 

Louis jerked his head up to see Liam back at the door, watching Louis closely. “Uh, nothing. What’s up?” 

Liam hung in the doorway, watching Louis closely. “Will you be _here_ when I get back?” he asked, pointing at the floor, maybe the bed, something. Whatever it was, Louis got it. Liam was asking if he’d still be in his flat. 

“Do you want me to be?” 

Liam’s fingers tapped along the doorframe before he nodded. “Yeah, Lou, yeah I do.” 

“Okay.” Liam smiled again, then lunged forward, one hand on the bed before he pressed a quick kiss to Louis’ cheek.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.” Liam grinned, walking backwards, then looking over his shoulder one more time, like he was making sure Louis was still there. 

Louis was frozen in place, not sure what had just happened, or what was happening. Watson made a noise, some sort of grunt and Louis groaned, falling back against the bed. Now what the hell was he going to do?

\------------

Liam came home that evening with takeaway Chinese and Harry in tow. He grinned when he came through the door and spotted Louis on the couch, heading right to Louis first, ducking his head to press another kiss against his cheek. “Hey, babe,” he greeted before taking the food to the kitchen and leaving Louis alone with Harry. 

Harry, who still had flour dusting his curls and what looked like a smudge of chocolate on his cheek. Harry, who’s head was cocked to the side, watching Louis closely, as if he might see something that wasn’t on the surface. It made Louis fidget, pulling at his shirt, as if it had ridden up when he wasn’t looking. He’d cleaned himself up, put on real clothes even, but he felt naked under that stare. 

“Babe?” Harry asked, and Louis felt himself go red before shrugging. 

“I don’t know, Haz.” 

Harry hummed, like he was taking that in, but didn’t get to speak before Liam had wandered back into the room. “Zayn just texted. He and Niall are on their way.”

“Naill?” Louis didn’t know Niall was in town. 

“He got in last night,” Harry said. “He and Zayn are spending the weekend together?” 

“It’s Thursday.” Louis thought. That was what his email had said at least. 

“They’re spending a long weekend together?” Harry suggested, which didn’t really explain anything. 

“No one told me.” Louis felt like he’d been left out of a loop, like something important had happened and no one had bothered to clue him into it. 

“I don’t think there was anything to tell until today,” Liam said, moving to sit with Louis, closer than usual, but Louis didn’t pull away. He liked the warmth of Liam pressed against his side. “I think this is supposed to be the unveiling.” 

“But you knew about it,” Louis insisted, looking up at Liam. 

“Well, yeah, because I know Zayn. I know if he’s spending that much time with someone, they’re important.” 

Louis crossed his arms, fighting the fact that he knew the same was true for Niall. The details of why Zayn was important might still be in question, but if Niall was going out of his way to spend time with Zayn, well, that was a sign of something. He should have noticed it. 

“You’ve been busy,” Liam said softly, just for him. “And you’ve had a lot going on. It’s okay that you didn’t realize.” For a moment Louis had thought that he’d said it out loud, that he’d admitted to not paying attention to whatever was going on in anyone’s world that wasn’t his, but he didn’t. Liam just knew.

Before Louis could comment though, the door was opening and an almost timid looking Zayn appeared in the doorway to the living room. He looked around at them, smiling in a way that Louis had seen before, then stepped more into the room, pulling Niall behind him, their hands linked together. “We’re not too late for food right?” Niall asked over Zayn’s shoulder, but his cheeks were pink, his smile anxious. 

“Course not,” Liam said, leaving Louis’ side and getting up to wrap both Niall and Zayn up in a single hug. He whispered something that made Zayn close his eyes and press more into Liam, happy smile on his face. As Liam stepped back, Harry took his place, though his hug was more aggressive, but just as supportive. 

Louis hadn’t moved from the couch. He didn’t know how to move. His brain told him to get up, to hug his friend, and his new friend, to tell them he was happy for them, but Louis wasn’t sure if he was. Didn’t this cause all sorts of problems? Wasn’t Niall worried about what people might say, what they might think? Why was he the only one who worried about that sort of thing? Weren’t they all teased at some point? Weren’t they sick of the bullies being right all the time? 

When his feet finally moved, he didn’t join the hugs, the congratulations. Instead he stormed out the back of Liam’s flat, into the little garden that had always felt spacious enough but now felt like it was closing in on him. The whole world felt like it was closing in him. He’d tried so hard, so, so hard to be what he thought he should, to surround himself with the right people, and now, in just a couple of months, everything had been thrown completely out of whack. 

His sporty best friend was gay for some guy, he got off regularly to the images his imagination supplied of his neighbor, and he was as far away from everything that had ever made sense ever. Louis tugged at his hair hard enough to make it hurt, to justify the tears in his eyes, to blind out the onslaught of feelings that crashed down on him. 

He couldn’t breathe. His world was falling apart and he couldn’t breathe. 

Then there were other hands there, gently but firmly untangling Louis’ fingers from his hair. Warm hands lacing fingers with his, strong arms pulling him back against a broad chest. Liam was whispering in his ear, nothing in particular, just hushing noises. 

The panic ebbed, losing traction in the world that was just Liam, just someone there, not judging, not angry, but holding Louis, a lighthouse in the fog. Louis let himself sink against Liam’s chest, feeling his breathing get back under control. 

“What am I doing?” Louis asked, not sure if Liam would even have an answer, but he had to ask someone. 

“The same thing all of us did when we were younger,” Liam said softly, nuzzling against Louis’ ear in a way that should have been too much. It wasn’t though. It felt just right. 

“Did a lot of crying in gardens, did you?” 

Liam chuckled, before moving, turning Louis so they were facing one another. “I did,” he said, touching Louis’ chin so Louis was forced to look up at those big brown eyes. “I was also scared of what was going on in my head, of what was going on with everyone around me.” Liam’s fingers pushed at the tears on Louis’ face wiping them away and Louis let himself indulge in the touch, turning into Liam’s hand like he’d always wanted to. 

“I always thought Zayn was crazy,” Liam continued. “Not bothering with anyone else until that right person came along. I get it now though.” 

“Because of how happy he looks with Niall?” 

“That,” Liam said, then ducked his head to see Louis’ eyes again. “That and you.” 

“Me?” Why would Louis matter? 

“Mm,” Liam agreed, pulling Louis against him into a hug. “You. I never...I haven’t been able to stop. Not since that first day. You’re all I think about.” 

“Li, I’m not…” 

“I don’t care.” Liam hugged him tighter and Louis buried his face in Liam’s neck, clutching at his back. 

“You should.” Louis’ voice was wavering more than he would have liked, but maybe it was too muffled for Liam to hear. 

“I don’t.” Liam’s fingers carded through the hair on the back of Louis’ neck, gently petting, righting all the wrongs in the world with a single touch. “I don’t care what you are, what label you want to put on yourself or us, I just want you.” 

Louis choked on his own sob, burying his face more in Liam. He wasn’t alone. Liam wanted him and Liam didn’t care that Louis wasn’t even sure why. Louis nodded, wanting that too, but not feeling right about keeping the rest of what he was feeling to himself. “I hate myself for it.” 

Liam leaned back, wiping at Louis’ tears again and shook his head. “Never. Louis, never hate yourself for who you love. For anything. You’re wonderful.” 

Louis tried to protest, but Liam shook his head more, kissing Louis’ forehead, his nose, his cheek. Louis wasn’t sure who really closed that last distance between them, but he was pretty sure he’d pulled Liam down to press their lips together. 

If a kiss could light up the world, that kiss would have done it. In an instant, Louis felt alive, felt right, warm all over, like he wasn’t just waiting for his life to happen, but actually experiencing it. 

Liam kissed like he meant it, one arm around Louis’ waist to lift him up and closer, to take over the kiss. Louis scrambled for purchase, holding Liam’s cheeks, his shoulders, his neck and eventually just holding on for dear life, until he had to break away to breathe. He didn’t go far though, staying close enough that his eyes had to dart back and forth between Liam’s watching for something, revulsion, regret, disgust, but only seeing adoration, happiness, and maybe even love. 

“I should have done that the first day i saw you,” Liam murmured, pressing a lighter kiss to Louis’ lips.

“I would have punched you.” 

Liam smiled, nodding against Louis’ forehead. “Still would have been worth it.” 

Louis sighed, closing his eyes and letting himself enjoy the moment, but all his fears filtered back in. “I didn’t want them to be right about me.” 

“They’re not. Anyone that ever said anything mean about you is wrong. You’re perfect.” Liam took Louis’ hand in both of his, calloused fingers running over the tiny bones for a moment before Liam ducked to kiss his knuckles. “Come inside. Celebrate with us and then stay with me tonight and I’ll show you just how perfect you are.” 

How could Louis say no to that?


	2. Epilogue

Louis’ head thunked back against the shower wall as he bit his hand to cover up the noises he was making. Liam gave as good as he got apparently. His hips thrusted upward without his permission, but Liam didn’t even falter, just taking more of him down his throat. That was enough to make Louis groan again, another noise barely muffled. 

Suddenly Liam’s mouth was gone, his hand pulling at the one that Louis had covered his mouth with, shaking his head. “I want to hear you,” Liam murmured, voice rough from what he’d just been doing. His free hand was questing down the cleft of Louis’ ass, probing at his entrance in a way that Louis knew Liam knew made him shudder. 

“I don’t want anyone else to,” Louis breathed, surprised he could form words as Liam slipped a finger inside him, still loose from the night before.

“Who’s going to hear?” Liam was teasing, moving his fingers in just the right away to make Louis’ back arch, hips canting into Liam’s. 

“Niall,” he huffed. “Zayn.” Niall had managed to shift operations of his golf-whatever and side jobs to their little oceanfront town, taking over the upstairs flat a week after Liam had moved Louis’ things downstairs. It wasn’t permanent, just until Zayn finished his law qualifications, then they might head back to London, but no one was in a huge rush one way or another. Liam worked another finger in and curled them just so, making Louis shout. 

“I really don’t care.” Liam’s voice had an edge of a growl to it, something that Louis found incredibly sexy. 

Louis was still coming to terms with all the things about Liam he found sexy. He was still adjusting to the part where, while Liam gave him the option to top, Louis really, really preferred being fucked. He was coming to terms with the fact that he liked the way Liam tasted, liked going down on him more than he’d ever liked doing the same for a girl. He was coming to terms with the fact that he liked the way, no, loved the way, Liam pressed his fingers inside him enough to make his hips shift up, bumping against Liam’s dick until Louis reached down between them to stroke them both at the same time. 

He loved the slide, the feel of them in his hands, together. He loved the way he could let go, trust Liam to hold him up, to finger him until he saw stars, and all the while still manage to get both of them there. Louis came first, body going tight, noises falling from his lips that he’d never made until he’d fallen into bed with Liam. He wasn’t alone for long though, Liam tumbling a few strokes after, spilling across Louis’ hands with a low moan that Louis would never tire of hearing. 

Then hands were cupping cheeks, soft kisses were given, and murmurs of love shared between them. Louis still wasn’t quite _out_ , but his mum and sisters had met Liam, whom he’d introduced as his boyfriend. Actually, at the time it had sounded more like ‘love of his life’ and Liam had just smiled through it. Those that did know, that cared enough to pay attention, they were happy for Louis, all of them understanding. Even Eleanor had sighed happily for him when they bumped into her at a cafe in London. She hugged Louis tightly, then Liam, sharing that secret smile with him that only happened between two people who’d shared the same bedmate. 

What mattered was that Liam was his and his alone. For the first time in his life, Louis didn’t feel as lost, didn’t feel as tormented, and maybe that was enough.


End file.
